A friend asked me today why I hadn’t I posted anything new on my blog, she needed something to read on her lunch break. I know she was joking but it is a valid question, I haven’t posted anything in a while. I’ve been trying to journal, but everything I write comes out as incoherent babble. This has never happened to me before, usually the writing is what helps me get myself together. Then I turn it into a post or a poem on my Instagram account. I’m creatively constipated and it’s not a good feeling.
I’ve been experiencing so many different emotions in these last few weeks. Anxiety, restlessness, loneliness, sorrow, anger, frustration, weariness, I don’t know what to write out about first. I start out writing about the anxiety and that turns into something about anger. Or I’ll start writing about the loneliness and end up with something about restlessness. But none of it makes sense anyway, and it’s not conveying correctly what it is I want to say. So I stay blocked unable to get that release.
It feels like I’ve been thrown overboard into a deep ocean and I’m trying to make it to the surface but I can’t and the more I swim the farther away it gets. I’m growing weak and running out of air. I’m drowning.
Well there you go, finally some release. Thank you Rasha for stirring me up a bit.