I just can’t believe that life would give us to each other,’ he said, ‘and then take it back.’
‘I can,’ she said. ‘Life’s a bastard.
-Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and Park
Some love is temporary and if you didn’t know that, “life” will let you know soon enough. You think you’ve found something only to have it snatched from under you. You come crashing down to the floor your pride bruised and hope shattered. Love songs on the radio begin to take on new meaning, and you wonder why did you even take a chance? But then you get up dust yourself off and remember that very few things are what they seem and that you should have known better. Check off another life lesson on the list.
Personally after that first initial punch in the stomach “love” changed in my mind. The world just got uglier in general. I thought “God they’re some really sucky people on the planet. How could someone just use you like that and claim to love you?”
The rose-colored glasses were off and I was quite sure I would be single for a very long time to come. But that dirty stinking heart of mine started to feel again. Not only did it feel, it soared, higher than that first time. I coasted there for a while, letting myself forget all the reasons it would not work. Eventually reality came calling and took me down. The recovery was shorter this time, but painful all the same. Here I am several months later and I still fight off the occasional bout of longing for him.
Sometimes I wish I was this cold robot who had no need for romantic love, so I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. The thought of getting to know someone again and being vulnerable with them is quite exhausting. But I’m not a robot, I’m a human being with a heart that has a lot to give.