You’ll always be alone.
That was the lie I believed for most of my life. It drove me to many decisions, mostly bad ones. It drove me to the wrong people, to wrong things, and more pain.
I learned recently that the reason we believe these lies about ourselves is because we interpret wrongly painful events in our lives.
So what was my event?
I couldn’t think of one isolated event, my childhood was the event. I had a hard time with making friends because I was very shy, so in order to avoid the anxiety of talking to new people, I just didn’t. I also had a hard time finding kids who I had things in common with which only furthered the gap between me and others. Throw some bullying from the mean girls in there and there you have it, the event.
I interpreted my social rejection into thinking that I was boring, strange, weird, etc. and came to the conclusion I’d always be alone.
When we believe a lie so long it becomes apart of who you are, and you unconsciously spend your life reaping the consequences of this lie.
To escape the pain of my event I dallied in a few unhealthy things.
- sexual sin
- isolating myself from others
- distrust of others
When I gave my life to God I thought I was done with these things, but they lingered. Some I eventually was able to completely be done with by God’s grace and mercy, but some new stuff popped up. I became addicted to affirmation from others, mostly men. Male attention was something I had very little experience with. But I guess as I grew into myself it became a fairly regular thing. It was a rush.
All the things that separated me from others in the past were now appreciated. I didn’t know how to handle it, and I came to crave it.
So whenever I suffered a disappointment, or a rejection I’d seek it out before God.
What if that’s not true?
That was question the pastor asked. What if that lie you believed isn’t true?
A simple question that completely rocked my world.
I won’t always be alone?
As my brain pondered the idea my heart rejected it strongly. It only knew the painful memories of the past and it wasn’t ready to be convinced of anything else.
So what I do? How can I undo all that this lie has done to me?
Well I can’t, the past is done I must look forward to what’s ahead. It’s time to tear down the lie with God’s truth.
Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
What concerns me concerns God. He doesn’t want to see me alone and depressed. He knows the deepest desires of my heart and he will give them to me because He loves me and I delight in Him. I renounce the lie and receive His truth.
Moving forward when I feel alone I will go to God, He is my comforter. He’s the ultimate comforter. The affirmation of others is nothing compared to the love and affirmation of my God.
It will be a process, bad habits die hard, but my faith and fervor for God have been renewed.
What is the lie that has kept you bound? I challenge you to invite God in and let Him reveal to you His truth.