Sometimes loving my life is a fight.
I am not at the place I wanted to be at this time in my life. It took some time for me to find my passion and even more time to find the courage to begin to go after that passion. I look back and I wonder what life would look like if I’d believed in myself back then. My peers are firmly planted in their careers, getting married, having children, pursuing post-grad degrees and me? I’m pursuing a bachelors degree, something I’ve been doing off and on for the past 9 almost 10 years. There’s nothing wrong with this, my rational brain knows this, we’re all on our own journey’s. But I can’t help but scroll through my Facebook feed and wish I’d done things differently. I can’t help but wonder, as I go everyday to a job I don’t love how did I get here?
I’d love to play the blame game, blame my parents for not pushing to me enough. Blame the public school system for my so-so education that didn’t prepare me at all for college. I can’t even really be upset at myself because there’s no way I could’ve known how the decisions I made when I was 18 or 19 would have affected my life today. This is where I am, I can’t go back and I am making moves to change my situation. I’ve never stopped pursuing my education and trying to better my life. That is something to be proud of. Where others might have given up, I haven’t. Because I refuse to be unhappy forever, I refuse to be stagnant. I want my life to have purpose and meaning, not mundane drudgery which it seems it’s always has been.
So how do I love my life in the meantime? How do I love the climb when it’s arduous? How do I look at myself and not see someone whose failed to launch when my peers have left me behind? How do I stay focused on the bigger picture, when the devil is the details?
Photo by João Ferreira on Unsplash
Love, Liberty, & Little Tragedies 
Man, this sounds like I wrote it. I am right there with you girl. I feel the only thing I have accomplished since I became an adult was getting married, and even with that – as much as I love my man and we truly are best friends at the core -I feel it was a bit rushed. I find a small part of me saying, “Just focus on the day to day and forget about your dreams for now. Just accept your fate where it is at right now.” And then still another tells me to not give up and fight like hell to see my dreams accomplished, no matter how long it takes. Anyways, this is good and hope the best for you.
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Man, I don’t think I can ever give up on my dreams. That’s how I survive my “day to day” It is really hard for us to love our lives – It is even harder when we compare ourselves to other people.
I’ve found that the best way to combat this is to accept where you are right now and to accept that you don’t like it. That way we can start focusing on the present and start acting for the future. =)
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