20 minutes of free write you say…. Well I’m at work and I honestly don’t think I will get
Nope just got interrupted
You might say then “Why don’t you do this at home then?” Well, I will not be home until late tonight and I won’t feel like writing, so I have to do it now. My job also doubles as my writing studio, and God I hope my boss isn’t reading this. I may not share this one on social media so she won’t see it. You know what’s sad though? I came in this morning feeling that Monday morning fog hanging over me, and then the moment I looked at today’s prompt I was instantly giddy. I’m smiling now staring at the computer screen. Well it just goes to show what writing does to me. It gives me joy, I feel like how I used to feel when I rode my bike as a kid. Just happy and at peace. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy my job, the people here have become like my family. But I like a lot of other creatives out there feel like a fraud sitting behind desk getting paid to answer someone else’s phone. I go through the motions with this job, some days I hate myself for saying things like that. “I should be grateful to have a job, so many are out of work.” But then other days I say to myself, “Look what you’ve become! Another pencil pusher, making the rich richer!” As you can see I’m obviously still working through some things within myself.
So my 20 minutes is about up, and as you can see I didn’t get much out. The troubles of a desk jockey/student/blogger.
My God help me, I’ve made a mess again. This mountain in front of me seems impossible to climb. Old habits are calling me. The self loathing wants to take over my mind. Tell me that you are still here. The joy is slipping away with each trial. Each day God I am fighting to keep joy, and fighting off the doubt. My God, may your peace come over me, and tell me it will all be alright. I know you see every tear, every tremble in my heart. God you are for me and so I lay it all down before you. These circumstances will not define me.They will not reduce me to my former self. I will sing in the rain. I will dance in spite of it all. Worry will not keep me up at night. I will sleep soundly knowing you are in control. Whatever comes against me God you are there fighting for me, I need only be still.
This weeks song is another cover. I really like covers just because I find it inspiring when an artist can take someone else’s art and interpret it in a whole new way. Today’s song is “Halo” by Ane Brun. Brun is an indie artist with a distinctive folk sounding voice taking on the Beyonce hit. I love what she does with it. While Beyonce is belting the song out accompanied by grand production. Brun only has 4 cellos behind her and that’s it, the production is minimal. She doesn’t hold any of the notes that Beyonce does but yet the song is just as alluring. I first heard this version on the soundtrack of the movie “If I Stay.” So here you have another hidden gem. Take a listen and tell me what you think!
I remember the last day we were together. I was glad the rain had finally let up because I was anxious to leave. I waited for him by the door with my bags in hand, I knew he’d want to say goodbye.
When are you coming back?
I don’t know.
He hugged me awhile while we stood on the porch, but I didn’t hug back.
Do you love me?
I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him again.
You said you loved me up there.
I still said nothing, just looked down.
Go. Just go.
And so I went. Loading my things into the car I took a mental inventory making sure I had everything. I knew I would not be returning. This detour in my life was now over. And as I made the long journey home great relief came over me. I was on the road back to where I needed to be.
Prompt: Give a personality to each day of the week.
Sunday is the most hopeful person I know. She is filled with hope and peace. She wholeheartedly believes there is nothing a little rest can’t solve. Sunday is the responsible friend who looks out for me. She’s the friend my parents really like. She’s a lifetime sister. Now Monday is very different story. Monday is one of those people who you wonder if he ever smiles. His disdain for life and constant frown says no, probably not. Sometimes I wonder what’s going on deep inside of him to make him so unpleasant. Nobody likes him and that makes me sad for him. I do admit though I have a few times thrown an unkind word toward him. Tuesday is a more polite version of Monday. He’s still very reserved and somewhat of a mystery. Tuesday could be in the same room as you and you wouldn’t even know he was there. He skirts by in life completely unnoticed. And I think he likes it that way. Wednesday is what I call a “good vibes girl.” She’s so positive that she could be literally standing in the cold rain and still find a way to smile. I have never seen her having a bad day. Even Monday can’t be completely unaffected by her. Wednesday is the person you want to have around when things aren’t going well. If there is anyone who could see a silver lining, it’s going to be her. Thursday is a male version of Wednesday. He’s super positive but in a reserved Gandhi way. While Wednesday will force you to be happy because of her cheerful personality and great smile. Thursday will lay a firm hand on your shoulder and assure you that things will work out. Thursday exudes confidence and strength, he’s the kind of guy girls want to marry and other men want to be. Friday and Saturday are your go to girls for a good time. But its Friday you want to plan the event, and Saturday is the one you just want to show up. Saturday is what some people would call “flaky”. But when she does show, she takes the party to another level. Now Friday on the other hand will plan the party, show up, get it popping, and help clean up afterwards. She’s an all around dependable girl. The funny thing about Saturday is that she thinks she’s like Friday. Saturday can’t stick to a plan, it’s just not in her DNA. And her obliviousness to her own shortcomings makes her all the more lovable.
What I remember most about that day was the nerves. I was about to be the center of attention in a room of hundreds. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me, I had to do this, it was the next step. I could see no faces as I looked out into the audience because of the blinding stage light. My heart was racing as I stepped down into the water. This was it, what God had been calling me to do.
“My name is Tawni, and today I publicly declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.” I squeaked out.
Taking a deep breath I let the pastor guide me down into the warm water. That was three years ago today. I had no idea when I came out of that water the amazing journey God was about to set me on. He came into my life at just the right time. Most people my age are still on that path of destruction, where they are sabotaging themselves in order to be what the world tells them they should be. I realize that I’m still young and have a lot of growth ahead of me but the foundation of who I am is set. Every direction I go or step I take is rooted in Him. No need to wonder or to wander, I know where I belong.
Nothing like a late night drive when you need to get away. Sometimes you need the moon as therapy from your day. Warm nights are the best because then you can roll down those windows and let the breeze drift in. And if the music is just right, you’ll surely get whisked away. The city is almost dream like late at night, few souls are on the road. Not a roadblock or a traffic jam to disrupt your flow. You don’t know where you’re going, but you just go.