I’ll Be There For You…

I confess that I’ve been writing this post for months. I’ve stopped and started several times. I was afraid of sounding like a pathetic loser and maybe I do sound like one. However, I know that there are other people who feel or have felt the same way I do

Advertisements

Out of all the areas in my life where I haven’t felt completely fulfilled, my social life is in the top 3. I have never had what I wanted when it came to my friendships. I’ve always skirted the edges of social circles but was never really in them.
I’ve wondered over the years if maybe I had unrealistic expectations of others because of my ability to make and keep close friendships is lacking. I know my social anxiety and shyness have played a part, but I think I’ve overcome that mostly. I have a good amount of acquaintances and casual friendships but those truly meaningful ones elude me. Even in the few close friendships I do have it feels I am the one whose more invested. I’m the one making plans and wanting to hang out. It seems if I stopped texting them they wouldn’t text me either.

All I want to do is spend time with the people I care about and share new experiences with them but I find myself spending a lot of time alone. When will I be a priority in any of these relationships? A side of me just wants to quit, quit trying and just accept my lone wolf status as a part of life. But another side of me won’t quit. It keeps searching for Meetups with people who share my interests. I want to find someone who enjoys indie pop rock as much as I do and wants to go to concerts. I want to find a book club who shares my reading interests. I want to find people who share my love of spending their nights in. I want to find people who value my companionship.

The older people in my life want to see me “living it up” while I’m still young. Still, it’s hard to live it up on your own and it’s even harder (at least for me) to find people to live it up with. It’s not that I am unable to enjoy being alone. I am a tried and true introvert, I love being alone. But when you’re alone too much it weighs on you.

I confess that I’ve been writing this post for months. I’ve stopped and started several times. I was afraid of sounding like a pathetic loser and maybe I do sound like one. However, I know that there are other people who feel or have felt the same way I do and that’s who I want to hear from. Anyone else feel they’ve missed the boat on social connection? And if so what did you about it?

Ain’t It Fun?

For me my 20’s have been this crazy difficult maze, full of painful wrong turns, and a few happy right ones. It’s difficult because on the one hand your an adult in the eyes of the world. You can vote, drink, rent a car, get a grown up job. But on the other hand you’re trying your darndest to grow up as quickly as possible so you can handle it all. There’s so much to figure out and you’ve got to navigate it while also trying to shake off those childhood insecurities.

large

When I was in my twenties, it felt like I was riding wild horses, and I was hoping I didnโ€™t go over a cliff.
-Chaka Khan

Truer words have never been spoken, thank you Ms. Khan for such an accurate description. This is exactly how I feel now, like I have no control over my life I’m at the whim of this crazy world and at any moment it’s going to hurl me off a cliff to which there is no coming back.
Your 20’s are the prime of your life, vital or so that’s what they say. Well I suppose it’s true I guess. For me my 20’s have been this crazy difficult maze, full of painful wrong turns, and a few happy right ones. It’s difficult because on the one hand your an adult in the eyes of the world. You can vote, drink, rent a car, get a grown up job. But on the other hand you’re trying your darndest to grow up as quickly as possible so you can handle it all. There’s so much to figure out and you’ve got to navigate it while also trying to shake off those childhood insecurities.
Sometimes you hardly know whether you’re coming or going. You don’t know when you should stand up and endure or throw in the towel and go put “This Woman’s Work” on repeat and crawl in bed with a box or tissues. Sometimes you want to do both at the same time! You’re trying figure out what you need and what you want in life. And if it’s okay to have some things in your life just because you want them and don’t need them. That elusive “career” your supposed to have is looming over your head like a big dark rain cloud. And the even more elusive relationship you would like to have is showing its ugly face too.
You love your life one day then hate it the next and the day after that you’re indifferent. You want to have a more mature spiritual life but pop culture is bombarding you with everything that goes against it. You want to have fun and have crazy adventures but your bank account is telling you it isn’t possible. Not to mention the debt that you’re trying to ignore is holding a knife to your back.
Sometimes you want to go off the grid and live off the land for awhile. But then you remember how attached you are to things like Wi-Fi and your favorite pair of boots that just aren’t made for the wilderness.
Every single decision you make you wonder if you’re going to regret it when your 30.
You wish someone would just understand but it seems no one does. You look to your elders for advice but they seem to have forgotten what it’s like. They’re either at a loss for words or they give you some generic advice that you could easily find in a crappy self help book.
You’re an adult and it’s all up to you- oh happy day.
All this and you’re supposed to be a functioning human being!

I wish I had some great advice for my fellow 20 something’s out there but I don’t. I wish I could tell you the secret to handling it all but I can’t. I’m clawing my way through it just like you. All I can tell you is to take it one day at a time. If you need to cry take a moment and do it. If you feel like breaking something, don’t. Go take a kickboxing class or something, and get that frustration out. Don’t let anyone undermine what you’re going through. Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you don’t have problems. Tell them to take a seat and keep it moving, they aren’t living your life. Try to have fun when you can, try some new things, and lastly just know that you are going to make it, somehow.

*photo credit