I confess that I’ve been writing this post for months. I’ve stopped and started several times. I was afraid of sounding like a pathetic loser and maybe I do sound like one. However, I know that there are other people who feel or have felt the same way I do
Out of all the areas in my life where I haven’t felt completely fulfilled, my social life is in the top 3. I have never had what I wanted when it came to my friendships. I’ve always skirted the edges of social circles but was never really in them.
I’ve wondered over the years if maybe I had unrealistic expectations of others because of my ability to make and keep close friendships is lacking. I know my social anxiety and shyness have played a part, but I think I’ve overcome that mostly. I have a good amount of acquaintances and casual friendships but those truly meaningful ones elude me. Even in the few close friendships I do have it feels I am the one whose more invested. I’m the one making plans and wanting to hang out. It seems if I stopped texting them they wouldn’t text me either.
All I want to do is spend time with the people I care about and share new experiences with them but I find myself spending a lot of time alone. When will I be a priority in any of these relationships? A side of me just wants to quit, quit trying and just accept my lone wolf status as a part of life. But another side of me won’t quit. It keeps searching for Meetups with people who share my interests. I want to find someone who enjoys indie pop rock as much as I do and wants to go to concerts. I want to find a book club who shares my reading interests. I want to find people who share my love of spending their nights in. I want to find people who value my companionship.
The older people in my life want to see me “living it up” while I’m still young. Still, it’s hard to live it up on your own and it’s even harder (at least for me) to find people to live it up with. It’s not that I am unable to enjoy being alone. I am a tried and true introvert, I love being alone. But when you’re alone too much it weighs on you.
I confess that I’ve been writing this post for months. I’ve stopped and started several times. I was afraid of sounding like a pathetic loser and maybe I do sound like one. However, I know that there are other people who feel or have felt the same way I do and that’s who I want to hear from. Anyone else feel they’ve missed the boat on social connection? And if so what did you about it?
I’m an introvert, which means I re-energize by spending time alone, and that I enjoy my own company a little bit more than the “average” person. I have known this about myself for a while and I’m okay with it. Despite my introversion I have managed to find a few close friends, and I’m okay with that too, well somewhat. For the past 2 years I have found myself feeling I have had too much alone time. In other words I’m lonely (cue the violins). I have a hard time expressing this because I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me but I felt it was important to put it out there. It’s been floating at the back of my mind for too long.
My lonely isn’t the lonely you’re probably thinking it is. I’m not in the house staring out the window watching life happen. I go places, concerts, festivals, etc. but when I go I am alone. I could be surrounded by people but it’s like I’m the only one there. My friends, though I love them dearly, share only about 40% of my interests. I have no one in which to share my some of my biggest passions with.
I thought that if I got out there and did the things I loved to do I’d eventually make connections with others who did the same, but it hasn’t happened. Like many introvert’s I struggle with making and maintaining friendships. Sometimes the interactions are awkward and forced, it’s stressful so I just avoid it.It’s rare that I even meet a person that is potential “friend material” and when I do it seems they aren’t really looking for any new friends.
So after another summer of mostly solo experiences I can feel myself starting to retreat from the world. I don’t look forward going out because I am going alone and I am tired of that. I do look forward to winter because there will be less things going on.
I’m curious to see if there is anyone else out there who has experienced this.
What do you do when no one loves what you love? Or likes what you like?
How do you find those genuine connections?