In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met.
Lately love, romantic love, has been on my mind a lot. Specifically how it has changed from being something that was a certainty in my mind to more of an abstract idea. If you’re familiar with my blog then you know that “singledom” has been a mainstay in my life, so I don’t have much experience with love. Despite that, I am a die hard romantic. I’m the type of girl that will leave love notes in your shoes, only give you handwritten birthday cards professing my undying devotion, and will regularly send you songs that explain how I feel about you. I have watched Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version) a hundred times and rewinded the part where Darcy confesses his love to Lizzyprobably 1000. I LOVE love.
I owe my obsession with romance to Disney, Twilight, and all those sappy YA romances that sell an unrealistic idea of love and relationships. They’re all pretty much the same story. Boy meets Girl but there’s an issue. Boy is from the wrong side of the tracks, or Boy loves the taste of human blood. Girl has some deep dark secret that could ruin them, or Girl has someone else fighting for her attention. But 90 minutes later or a few books later their love conquers all of that.
In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met. It won’t make him deal with his issues, or undo the unhealthy relationships I’ve witnessed in the past. Real people have problems, real relationships are difficult, and risky. “They lived happily ever after” is a big fat myth. What they should say at the end of the story is, “They worked at their relationship and hoped it would last forever.”
So how do I undo the ideal I dreamed up while drifting through the halls of high school? How do I stop finding real life men so damned disappointing compared to the ones in my books? How do I stop longing for someone who doesn’t exist?
Word of warning it’s not going to go the way you think it is, so whatever ideas you have about what your life will be like at 25 throw them out of the window. It’s not going to happen. Don’t panic though, it’s all good.
Your 25th birthday is coming up very soon, wow, quarter-life. Well let’s just hope there’s no crisis, honestly I think you went through that at 23. Also what was our 16th birthday like? I honestly don’t remember. Anyways I bet I know what your thinking right now as you roll the memory around in your head. I have no life and no friends, I wish my life was like Lizzie McGuire or some other teenage heroine. I feel for you, but please know it’s going to get better. So don’t worry about what those douche bags at school think, trust me they don’t matter one blip to your life. You feel you’re lacking in some ways in comparison to them, but your not. Most of them are making terrible choices right now that will effect their lives in the future. Pity them, don’t envy them. Your not the average teenager, your an onion, you have lots of layers and that’s great. It’s what’s going to make you the woman we are today.
Word of warning it’s not going to go the way you think it is, so whatever ideas you have about what your life will be like at 25 throw them out of the window. It’s not going to happen. Don’t panic though, it’s all good. It took you awhile to figure out what you were doing but you made it, thank God. Literally, thank Him. If not for him I don’t know who we’d be right now. A flipping hot mess I assume. I kind of wish I’d known him when I was your age, maybe things wouldn’t have been so hard. Oh well there is no turning back only going forward.
So let me tell you some hopeful things about our future. Firstly, we have friends and a social life! Finally, someone other than our parents knows how funny and clever we are. We have passions and hobbies! Yes, we write, we go to beacoup concerts, we’e creative, and we like kids! Who knew?! Our taste in music is super eclectic and awesome. We’re still a bit of a loner and introvert, doesn’t look like we’re going to grow out of that. But it’s okay we love that now. We’re not as shy as we used to be, we’ve made 5 speeches and public speaking no longer makes us sick. Not to say that we’re completely cured of our social anxiety though. I felt a little anxiety just asking for the wi-fi password in this coffee shop. That’s another thing we go places on our own now, like coffee shops and restaurants. We no longer give a crap about the opinions of strangers in public places. If you haven’t guessed already, yes we’re still single. Quality guys are still a rarity sorry to tell you but you know it’s going to take a very special man to keep our attention. We’re still figuring out this whole being adult thing, but Dad, Mom and our friends are helping us out. It is not what it’s cracked to be, it’s tough. But you get to call your own shots and that has yet to be unsatisfying.
So how are you feeling about life now? Are you excited yet? Well get excited because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. From now on every time you look in the mirror remember that you are beautiful, talented, loved, and that there’s a great big world out there waiting for you to put your stamp on it.