When The Prayer Isn’t Answered

Earlier this year I prayed a big prayer for something I knew there was no way I could accomplish on my own–to pass my College Algebra class.

I had great faith that God would answer it and it didn’t happen. I wondered why? I wasn’t lazy about it, I gave it all I could. I studied and did homework for hours, I paid attention in class, asked questions, got a tutor! I figured if I gave it all I had God would meet me there, but it didn’t happen. Oh how I cried, and cried, I hated that I tried so hard and it didn’t materialize.

Math & science have always been tough for me, I can remember as a kid just crying during my math tests. So this semester I’m taking Cell Genetics and Biology, shoot me please. I can already tell its going to be tough, this stuff is so boring to me, and I am stressing.

So in a recent cry session to God, I realized the reason I am so stressed is because I had lost some faith in God. I’m stressing that he isn’t going to come through for me again. I felt like he had let me down before, in all of my Walk I had never felt like this before. So what I did I do? I googled bible stories to read when you feel God has disappointed you. The story of Job popped up in my results. If you aren’t familiar with it the story it basically goes that Job was this awesome Godly man and God allowed the devil to test him because he knew Job was of great faith. The devil threw a LOT at Job and I do mean a LOT, all kinds of sickness and death. But he came through it with his faith still intact and he was blessed tenfold. Now did he ever feel disappointed by God? Heck yeah he did.

If Job can keep the faith, surely I can.

“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted” Job 42:2 ESV

I may never understand why things happen the way that they do, but I do know God has plans for me and they will come to fruition. I have to believe that or he isn’t God to me. So I renewed my faith, knowing that disappointment will certainly come but God is still God and he still loves me.

Here’s little inspiration for you if you’re questioning God right now, keep worshiping through the sorrow. It’s hard, but trust me God will come to you at that moment and fill you with his peace. It will work out!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV

Here’s some worship music to get you started.

I Didn’t Know I Was A Hipster

Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.

-Urban Dictionary

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Up until a couple of days ago I thought hipsters were starving artist with black plastic framed glasses, who lived on coffee in trendy neighborhoods. Technically a hipster can be all those things, but I certainly didn’t think that I was a part of this group. Until, I was telling a friend that I felt like a hipster in my new glasses when I drank coffee. To which she replied “Darling, you are a hipster.”

Am I?

According to the Urban Dictionary definition I suppose I am. I’m in my 20’s, I do value independent thinking, counter-culture, I love art, indie rock, creativity, and I certainly fancy a bit of witty banter. But I’ve always loved the obscure things even before the term “hipster” was created. It just seems that in my journey I’ve found that “mainstream” culture and music lacked the sincerity I was looking for.

I am slightly different though to even the usual hipster, my counter-culture is Jesus culture.

“Mainstream” culture says that the important things in life is to have the best. The newest this, the upgraded this, the luxuries of life. And not to say that having nice things is bad, but what is bad is that we put those things as first in our hearts and minds. Jesus culture teaches the opposite of this.

We all come to the end of our lives as naked and empty-handed as on the day we were born. We can’t take our riches with us. And this, too, is a very serious problem. People leave this world no better off than when they came. All their hard work is for nothing—like working for the wind. 

Ecclesiastes 5:15-16 NLT

“Mainstream” culture also teaches us to put ourselves before others. No one cares about anyone because it’s all about us, what we want, what we need. It’s so accepted in our culture that it has become entertainment. We all gather around the TV or social media to watch people “throw shade” at one another. Where is the understanding? Where is the patience? I am not perfect in this respect, I get frustrated and impatient sometimes, but when I see outright disrespect and hateful behavior it grieves me.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32 NASB

I clearly went off on a tangent there but I think I got my point across. In the Jesus culture, independent of mainstream thinking, I found the sincerity I wanted. I found that my life could be more than just about me. Hipsters want to do things differently and so do I, God’s way of doing things.

So is there such a thing as “Christian hipster”? There probably is, as the good book says “There is nothing new under the sun.”

I Just Want To Be Okay

I’ve been dancing in the rain a bit too long, I’m thoroughly wet and cold to the bone.The rain has lost its beauty, its instead become my torment. The clouds are dark above me and the wind hard against me. With each step I take, the mud seems thicker around my feet. I’m desperate for one ray of sun to peek through these clouds.

There is a cloud of dissatisfaction over all the places in my life and it seems its been hanging there for awhile. I’m taking steps to try to change things and I have faith that it will all work out. But what about the inbetween times, the waiting area, or the hallways? How do you navigate that? My friend told me to dance in the rain. But what do you do when you’ve grown tired of that? I’ve been praying and reading my word, trying to stay faithful, keeping God’s promises in mind. But what do you do when as soon as you walk out the door your fighting to just be okay? What do you do when you sit at your desk fighting off tears? I know one can never be happy all of time, but I long for that peace in the storm.

To My Future Husband

Dearest,

I hope you know I think of you often. Everytime I see a new couple getting engaged and married I wonder when it will be our turn. But as we both wait for God to bring us together, I do hope that you are spending your time glorifying Him. I pray that He is molding you now, while he is molding me. So that when we come together we shall be a marriage that is pleasing to Him. I wonder if you are praying for me the way I pray for you. Do you ever doubt that I exist? I admit sometimes usually late at night I do feel some doubt. It’s not that I have been waiting a long time or anything, it’s just that I am a peculiar girl with a peculiar set of interests. And I have never met anyone of the male species who have moved my heart and shared my interests. I believe that is because God is saving me for someone who I can share my passions with and truly understand them. At least what my heart wants so desperately to believe. I must warn you that at night when I’m left alone to my thoughts I question nearly everything I believe, I don’t know why. I’m always dying to have conversation with someone who will assure me that I’m overthinking things as usual. One day you will that person I talk to. Anyways I suppose I wrote this later because I’m affirming to myself that you are out there. And when we meet I hope you will be so tuned into God’s voice that you will have no doubt of who I am. Until the day comes be at peace when the loneliness comes that I am out there praying for you.

Yours,

Tawni

Creator

As I sit here gazing at your designs I contemplate your goodness.

You have taken the pebble that I was and turned it into a diamond.

Each day you polish me more and more so that I can reflect your light.

To think there was a time when I didn’t have you!

Who else can steady me in the gusting winds?

Or lead me out of a dense forest?

There is no one but you in all your glory.

The greatest artist of them all.

For The Love of Sunday’s

Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Because that’s the day I take my Sabbath and I get to rest from life. My mind is not clouded with troubles. I don’t think about the expensive car repairs, or the lack of funds. I don’t think about the fast approaching deadline of that paper I haven’t started, or how the homework seems never ending. I don’t worry about how lately it feels like I’m just getting through life instead of actually living it. And the fact that the only time I feel like I’m doing something right is when I’m writing or putting a smile on a child’s face. I don’t think about how there just never seems to be enough time in a day or how I’m running on only caffeine and a prayer. I don’t think about any of that, I just think about how amazing God is and that He will see me through all of it. I think about how His word says trouble doesn’t last always. I think about how He is my peace. I think about how all this that I’m experiencing is for a reason. I rest in His presence on Sunday’s knowing He is watching over me.

Why?

why?Why do we get attached to the wrong people? Why do we show our hearts to people who won’t understand us? What is it about the impossible cases that attracts us? We think for some reason the we can be the deciding factor in someones heart but we can’t, only God can. I think its because we are desperate for someone to understand us, so we won’t feel alone. But speaking from experience it is a less painful feeling being alone than it is to have your heart thrown back at you. As much as it hurt I had to come to the realization that that relationship had to change whether either of us liked it or not. No one likes to here that basically they are not good enough for you, but that’s what it was, as long as I was tangled up with him he’d drag me down to his level. And so I guard my heart from those who can do nothing with it.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23


Letter To My Loves

Valerie Sjodin  www.valeriesjodin.com
Valerie Sjodin

My heart weeps for my loved ones who have not thought about their eternity. There is so much in the them that could be used. But it’s staying hidden away. My heart hurts for my sweet birds that are still caged, let the One with the key set you free. He wants to see you fly not fall. I must stress to you my dear ones that this world is false, and will not last forever. Don’t put your faith in it, instead put your faith in something that is forever. Something that cannot crumble. I love you so much, as you know. But I have felt a love so great that nothing will ever compare. I want that for you, I want to see you flourishing. I want you to have that ceaseless peace, that unhindered joy. Forget about who you were, and start thinking about who you can become. Despite what the world may say people do change. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. He has the power to transform you into something you never believed you could be. Come on my family, let Him in! He’s waiting for you!

March 17, 2012

What I remember most about that day was the nerves. I was about to be the center of attention in a room of hundreds. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me, I had to do this, it was the next step. I could see no faces as I looked out into the audience because of the blinding stage light. My heart was racing as I stepped down into the water. This was it, what God had been calling me to do.

“My name is Tawni, and today I publicly declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.” I squeaked out.

Taking a deep breath I let the pastor guide me down into the warm water. That was three years ago today. I had no idea when I came out of that water the amazing journey God was about to set me on. He came into my life at just the right time. Most people my age are still on that path of destruction, where they are sabotaging themselves in order to be what the world tells them they should be. I realize that I’m still young and have a lot of growth ahead of me but the foundation of who I am is set. Every direction I go or step I take is rooted in Him. No need to wonder or to wander, I know where I belong.

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