loner – Love, Liberty, & Little Tragedies

I’m an introvert, which means I re-energize by spending time alone, and that I enjoy my own company a little bit more than the “average” person. I have known this about myself for a while and I’m okay with it. Despite my introversion I have managed to find a few close friends, and I’m okay with that too, well somewhat. For the past 2 years I have found myself feeling I have had too much alone time. In other words I’m lonely (cue the violins). I have a hard time expressing this because I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me but I felt it was important to put it out there. It’s been floating at the back of my mind for too long.

My lonely isn’t the lonely you’re probably thinking it is. I’m not in the house staring out the window watching life happen. I go places, concerts, festivals, etc. but when I go I am alone. I could be surrounded by people but it’s like I’m the only one there. My friends, though I love them dearly, share only about 40% of my interests. I have no one in which to share my some of my biggest passions with.

I thought that if I got out there and did the things I loved to do I’d eventually make connections with others who did the same, but it hasn’t happened. Like many introvert’s I struggle with making and maintaining friendships. Sometimes the interactions are awkward and forced, it’s stressful so I just avoid it.It’s rare that I even meet a person that is potential “friend material” and when I do it seems they aren’t really looking for any new friends.

So after another summer of mostly solo experiences I can feel myself starting to retreat from the world. I don’t look forward going out because I am going alone and I am tired of that. I do look forward to winter because there will be less things going on.

I’m curious to see if there is anyone else out there who has experienced this.
What do you do when no one loves what you love? Or likes what you like?
How do you find those genuine connections?

*Photo Credit

1935116_1264804143114_6691969_n — Yours truly at 16

Dear Tawni,

Your 25th birthday is coming up very soon, wow, quarter-life. Well let’s just hope there’s no crisis, honestly I think you went through that at 23. Also what was our 16th birthday like? I honestly don’t remember. Anyways I bet I know what your thinking right now as you roll the memory around in your head. I have no life and no friends, I wish my life was like Lizzie McGuire or some other teenage heroine. I feel for you, but please know it’s going to get better. So don’t worry about what those douche bags at school think, trust me they don’t matter one blip to your life. You feel you’re lacking in some ways in comparison to them, but your not. Most of them are making terrible choices right now that will effect their lives in the future. Pity them, don’t envy them. Your not the average teenager, your an onion, you have lots of layers and that’s great. It’s what’s going to make you the woman we are today.

Word of warning it’s not going to go the way you think it is, so whatever ideas you have about what your life will be like at 25 throw them out of the window. It’s not going to happen. Don’t panic though, it’s all good. It took you awhile to figure out what you were doing but you made it, thank God. Literally, thank Him. If not for him I don’t know who we’d be right now. A flipping hot mess I assume. I kind of wish I’d known him when I was your age, maybe things wouldn’t have been so hard. Oh well there is no turning back only going forward.

So let me tell you some hopeful things about our future. Firstly, we have friends and a social life! Finally, someone other than our parents knows how funny and clever we are. We have passions and hobbies! Yes, we write, we go to beacoup concerts, we’e creative, and we like kids! Who knew?! Our taste in music is super eclectic and awesome. We’re still a bit of a loner and introvert, doesn’t look like we’re going to grow out of that. But it’s okay we love that now. We’re not as shy as we used to be, we’ve made 5 speeches and public speaking no longer makes us sick. Not to say that we’re completely cured of our social anxiety though. I felt a little anxiety just asking for the wi-fi password in this coffee shop. That’s another thing we go places on our own now, like coffee shops and restaurants. We no longer give a crap about the opinions of strangers in public places. If you haven’t guessed already, yes we’re still single. Quality guys are still a rarity sorry to tell you but you know it’s going to take a very special man to keep our attention. We’re still figuring out this whole being adult thing, but Dad, Mom and our friends are helping us out. It is not what it’s cracked to be, it’s tough. But you get to call your own shots and that has yet to be unsatisfying.

So how are you feeling about life now? Are you excited yet? Well get excited because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. From now on every time you look in the mirror remember that you are beautiful, talented, loved, and that there’s a great big world out there waiting for you to put your stamp on it.

Love always,

Me ❤

Tag: loner

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“A Letter To My 16-Year-Old Self”