Cliches That Dating Apps Prove to be True

I have been single for four years.
I wasn’t purposely single but I wasn’t actively looking either. I thought that I’d meet someone organically in my everyday life, but it never happened. So a few months ago I decided to get intentional about this dating thing and enter the world of dating apps. I created accounts on Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid.
I told myself I was going in without any expectations, but I was lying to myself. I’m a dreamy type, so I had daydreamed about going out on coffee dates, having great conversations, sending flirty texts, first kisses, the whole nine. I wasn’t expecting to meet the “One” or my “Forever Person” because I’m just a tad too cynical for that, but I had hopes of vibing with someone. I do realize that being a cynical dreamer is kind of a contradiction but hey I’m an onion, I have layers.
Anyways, my experience has been fascinating to say the least.

“Men are from Mars”
I could never claim to understand men that much before, but I can definitely say I understand them even less now. I realized that some men hit the like button just for kicks, they have no intention of actually getting to know you. I don’t understand this, and I’ve given up trying. Also, I have been in the middle of what I perceived as a flowing conversation and then out of nowhere a guy will stop responding. It was frustrating at first, but I now just put less stock in the likes I get.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
There really is, it’s a good thing and bad thing. If a guy rubs you the wrong way or God forbid asks for nudes there’s a ton of other guys to choose from. On the other hand the endless scrolling can be overwhelming, especially on apps like Bumble and OkCupid. I started logging on every few days just to keep myself sane.

“Watch out for the wolves in sheep’s clothing”
You would think in 2017 with MTV’s “Catfish” in it’s sixth season that “catfishing” would be a thing of the past. But it is not. I was texting back and forth with a guy for about a week, and something just felt off. He “spoke” like no dude I’d ever met before, it was very flowery, and romantic. And his vernacular did not match the person he claimed to be. I did a reverse image search on his profile photo just like they do on the show and very easily found his identity to be false. I was really annoyed but also proud of myself for not getting duped.

“Love is a battlefield”
The quest for love for me has been long and arduous. Even just getting to the point of meeting someone in person has taken more effort than I thought it would. I’ve given myself to the 22nd of November to get something going and if it doesn’t happen I’m getting off all my apps and will revisit this next year sometime. I haven’t given up hope completely but I can say that my hope has dwindled.

***

I want to hear from you. What has been your experience with dating apps? Which ones do you love? Which ones do you hate? And is there hope in this crazy world to find real connections?

 

Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

Advertisements

Love: Myth or Legend?

In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met.

Lately love, romantic love, has been on my mind a lot. Specifically how it has changed from being something that was a certainty in my mind to more of an abstract idea. If you’re familiar with my blog then you know that “singledom” has been a mainstay in my life, so I don’t have much experience with love. Despite that, I am a die hard romantic. I’m the type of girl that will leave love notes in your shoes, only give you handwritten birthday cards professing my undying devotion, and will regularly send you songs that explain how I feel about you. I have watched Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version) a hundred times and rewinded the part where Darcy confesses his love to Lizzy probably 1000. I LOVE love.

I owe my obsession with romance to Disney, Twilight, and all those sappy YA romances that sell an unrealistic idea of love and relationships. They’re all pretty much the same story. Boy meets Girl but there’s an issue. Boy is from the wrong side of the tracks, or Boy loves the taste of human blood. Girl has some deep dark secret that could ruin them, or Girl has someone else fighting for her attention. But 90 minutes later or a few books later their love conquers all of that.

In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met. It won’t make him deal with his issues, or undo the unhealthy relationships I’ve witnessed in the past. Real people have problems, real relationships are difficult, and risky. “They lived happily ever after” is a big fat myth. What they should say at the end of the story is, “They worked at their relationship and hoped it would last forever.”

So how do I undo the ideal I dreamed up while drifting through the halls of high school? How do I stop finding real life men so damned disappointing compared to the ones in my books? How do I stop longing for someone who doesn’t exist?

 

Picture by Jacob Culp

In The Still Of The Night

There was smudged eyeliner streaked down my face and my lips were stained from red wine. Telltale signs of a night gone horribly right. 

image

Hello Friends! So I don’t usually post fiction on my blog but fiction novels is what began my love for writing.  I day dream about one day writing a novel. I imagine I’d be in my office (which I don’t really have) wearing a fabulous pair of vintage style cat-eye glasses focused intently at my laptop. My husband (don’t have one of those either) bringing me tea & coffee and telling me not to work too hard. Maybe one day that will be real but until then…
What you’re about to read is actually based in truth. It’s a collection of late nights I’ve had all meshed into one. That’s what I love about storytelling, you can amplify the best parts of real life.

I hope you enjoy it!



In the Still of the Night

I woke up surprisingly rested that morning but when I looked in the mirror it told a different story. There was smudged eyeliner streaked down my face and my lips were stained from red wine. Telltale signs of a night gone horribly right.

We’d spent hours on the dance floor letting the sounds of samba drums stir us into fever. We moved like one body. I knew every move you were going to make and I followed instinctively. Though the dance floor was crowded it seemed they all faded into the background. It was just you, me, and the music. We left at some point, I don’t know when, and found ourselves parked in front of my apartment. You didn’t want me to go in and neither did I, so we stayed in your car. We talked about everything and nothing. Telling each other about the best and worst times of our lives, followed by the most embarrassing moments of our school days.
We jumped from genre to genre; first belting Bon Jovi and Guns n’ Roses then crooning Sade and Anita Baker.

And at times we sat silently, observing the raccoon’s as they scavenged for food. I laid my head on your shoulder and watched the way your chest rose and fell, the sweet smell of whiskey on your breath.
A blanket of stillness enveloped us, cozy and inviting. 4:00 am had came and went, and 5 was fast approaching. I knew if I didn’t get out of the car then that we’d soon be watching the sunrise. So with a sweet kiss we said goodnight and good day.

I tumbled into bed still dressed except for my heels. Laying there I waited patiently for the text to tell me that you had made it home safe. It was night I would not soon forget, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

The End 



 

*photo by Matthew Wiebe

I Think I Wanna Marry You

But I came to the conclusion that there experience will not be my experience because I am not my mother and my husband will not be my father. We will be two new people in a new union

image

Marriage to me is like what Santa Claus is to an aging child. The world is telling me that I need to let go, but I’m still holding on to the dream.
The concept of marriage has been swept aside as some archaic tradition of the old world. It seems no one has anything positive to say about it. Whenever it comes up around the office it becomes a marriage bashing session. But then there’s me still holding on to hope.
I’m a romantic, and so to me marriage is a declaration of life-long love. You’re promising to love one person until you die, in front of God and all your loved ones. How beautiful is that!?

Marriage hasn’t always been about love in the past and still isn’t in some parts of the world. They were pretty much business transactions between two families, and the actual bride and groom didn’t have much choice. Well, sometimes the groom had choices but for the bride marriage was the only choice. There wasn’t many options for a woman to make an income of her own.
Now in our modern society a woman can support herself without the help of a man. So that means marriage can be whatever we want.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not under the impression that marriage is a cake walk. If it was divorce wouldn’t be so common. I’ve seen first hand what a unhappy, unhealthy marriage looks like. My parents divorced then got remarried and now there in this married but not “together” thing. It’s definitely not the kind of marriage I aspire to have. Despite all of their issues I still believe a happy marriage is possible, though for a moment there I doubted it. But I came to the conclusion that there experience will not be my experience because I am not my mother and my husband will not be my father.We will be two new people in a new union.  I won’t let their unhappiness rob me of my future happiness.
In fact I’ve learned from them how important it is to marry the right person, for the right reasons.

I will always fight for the sacred bond that is marriage. In the meantime I’m still looking for my exception to the rule, someone who wants to prove the naysayers wrong and take that leap with me.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.

-Josh Billings

 

 

I want to hear from you. Your Mom & Dad’s marriage was nowhere near perfect, so how do you feel about marriage now?

 

Photo credit*
Pretty Pear Brides

Whole

He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34, NIV

denise
For she said, If I may but touch his clothes, I shall be whole.  Mark 5:28, KJV

 

Besides Jesus, who is your Biblical hero?

My Biblical hero isn’t someone you’d think of when you hear the word “hero.” She isn’t easily recognizable, she isn’t heavily referenced in movies or books, in fact she is nameless in the Bible. She is “The Woman with the Issue of Blood.” It all happens in a few verses in Mark 5:25-34.
The woman had had a disease where for 12 years she had been bleeding. She had been to many doctors and spent all her money but no one could help her. Instead she only grew worse. So when Jesus came to town she saw her chance to be healed. There was a crowd around Jesus but she knew within herself that if she could just touch his clothing she would be healed. And that’s what happened the moment she touched him.

Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. Mark 5:29, NIV

I admire her so because she didn’t wait for Jesus to come to her, or wait for the chance that maybe he would pass her way, she went to him. I’m sure with a disease like hers leaving and moving around couldn’t have been easy. The story takes place in Jesus’ hometown of Nazareth, and in a Jewish town she was most likely an outcast. She was constantly bleeding and therefore “unclean”.But she took a chance, faced the crowds and in her misery and desperation she put her faith into action.
How many people out there are desperate and miserable but are waiting for the miracle to come to them?

Another reason I love her is because I see a little bit of myself in her story. You see I had disease too, I was sick with emptiness. I knew who God was in a general sense, but there was no relationship. I had this feeling that there was something missing from my life. I was tired of floating around with no purpose, but then Jesus came to town in a few forms. Through an impactful Christmas service, and I had a friend who would take me to Bible study. I saw a chance to be something I hadn’t been before and I purchased a One Year Bible. That was me touching him.

I wanted to know exactly what God wanted from me and to know what he was all about. I had heard it from others, now it was time to know for myself. It was a decision that changed my life. The peace that came over me when I read those words was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I knew that Jesus could make me whole.
I was baptized not too much longer after finishing that Bible and life has never been the same.
When you reach out to Jesus you will never be disappointed.

He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34, NIV

 

Who is your Biblical hero and why? I would love to know!

 

 

*photo by Heather Hazzan

How Deep Is Your Love?

The question is does he have a desire to know and please God? If not then there’s no point. It’s that simple and that complicated.

photo-1421

It starts out a classic story, girl meets guy. He’s funny, he’s attractive, he’s put together all the things that the girl wants…well at least what she wants on a surface level. She gets to know him some, they have similar upbringings and hobbies. But then the guy drops a curse word with ease, he tells a dirty joke, he references sex with her as something coming soon and at that point the girl knows. He’s not a Christian, or at least not an “all in” one.

It’s something that has happens to all us single Christian girls at one point or another. Meeting a guy we “vibe” with but then we look deeper for that spiritual aspect and there’s nothing there. Now you have to tell the guy that nothing will be happening between you and hopefully you can remain at least friends. The guy will most likely not understand, to him it seems you had the beginnings of something great. He doesn’t get why his faith or lack there of is so important. But it is important, it’s everything.

It’s frustrating because its hard enough to find a guy who meets the first two levels so when you do it’s exciting, only to be let down by the missing third level.
I want to clarify though I’m not looking for a pastor or priest, he can be a normal guy with an average job. The question is does he have a desire to know and please God? If not then there’s no point. It’s that simple and that complicated.

I wrote this because it’s something that I have experienced a lot these last few years. I’ve met a lot of nice guys but none of them having that third aspect.
But what I have resolved to do is learn more about men from these encounters. They may not be Christian men but they are still men. I feel now I understand more the thought processes of men compared to women (they really are less complicated). And I’ve gotten a chance to really hone in on exactly what I like on the first two levels. So all this frustration wasn’t all for naught, now I’m more prepared for the that elusive “One”.

 

Poetry 101: Seconds

wp-1449771775766.jpg

I don’t know how many times we passed each other, seeing each other but not really seeing each other. Or how many times we exchanged generic greetings. A meaningless “How are you?” or “Take Care.”  Then one day for some reason you smiled at me, a true genuine smile. And in that second I saw you, really saw you, as if I was seeing you for the first time.

Life hasn’t been the same since.