Cliches That Dating Apps Prove to be True

I have been single for four years.
I wasn’t purposely single but I wasn’t actively looking either. I thought that I’d meet someone organically in my everyday life, but it never happened. So a few months ago I decided to get intentional about this dating thing and enter the world of dating apps. I created accounts on Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid.
I told myself I was going in without any expectations, but I was lying to myself. I’m a dreamy type, so I had daydreamed about going out on coffee dates, having great conversations, sending flirty texts, first kisses, the whole nine. I wasn’t expecting to meet the “One” or my “Forever Person” because I’m just a tad too cynical for that, but I had hopes of vibing with someone. I do realize that being a cynical dreamer is kind of a contradiction but hey I’m an onion, I have layers.
Anyways, my experience has been fascinating to say the least.

“Men are from Mars”
I could never claim to understand men that much before, but I can definitely say I understand them even less now. I realized that some men hit the like button just for kicks, they have no intention of actually getting to know you. I don’t understand this, and I’ve given up trying. Also, I have been in the middle of what I perceived as a flowing conversation and then out of nowhere a guy will stop responding. It was frustrating at first, but I now just put less stock in the likes I get.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
There really is, it’s a good thing and bad thing. If a guy rubs you the wrong way or God forbid asks for nudes there’s a ton of other guys to choose from. On the other hand the endless scrolling can be overwhelming, especially on apps like Bumble and OkCupid. I started logging on every few days just to keep myself sane.

“Watch out for the wolves in sheep’s clothing”
You would think in 2017 with MTV’s “Catfish” in it’s sixth season that “catfishing” would be a thing of the past. But it is not. I was texting back and forth with a guy for about a week, and something just felt off. He “spoke” like no dude I’d ever met before, it was very flowery, and romantic. And his vernacular did not match the person he claimed to be. I did a reverse image search on his profile photo just like they do on the show and very easily found his identity to be false. I was really annoyed but also proud of myself for not getting duped.

“Love is a battlefield”
The quest for love for me has been long and arduous. Even just getting to the point of meeting someone in person has taken more effort than I thought it would. I’ve given myself to the 22nd of November to get something going and if it doesn’t happen I’m getting off all my apps and will revisit this next year sometime. I haven’t given up hope completely but I can say that my hope has dwindled.

***

I want to hear from you. What has been your experience with dating apps? Which ones do you love? Which ones do you hate? And is there hope in this crazy world to find real connections?

 

Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

Advertisements

Love: Myth or Legend?

In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met.

Lately love, romantic love, has been on my mind a lot. Specifically how it has changed from being something that was a certainty in my mind to more of an abstract idea. If you’re familiar with my blog then you know that “singledom” has been a mainstay in my life, so I don’t have much experience with love. Despite that, I am a die hard romantic. I’m the type of girl that will leave love notes in your shoes, only give you handwritten birthday cards professing my undying devotion, and will regularly send you songs that explain how I feel about you. I have watched Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version) a hundred times and rewinded the part where Darcy confesses his love to Lizzy probably 1000. I LOVE love.

I owe my obsession with romance to Disney, Twilight, and all those sappy YA romances that sell an unrealistic idea of love and relationships. They’re all pretty much the same story. Boy meets Girl but there’s an issue. Boy is from the wrong side of the tracks, or Boy loves the taste of human blood. Girl has some deep dark secret that could ruin them, or Girl has someone else fighting for her attention. But 90 minutes later or a few books later their love conquers all of that.

In reality love does not make the baggage magically dissipate. I could be the perfect girlfriend, wife, partner and none of that will erase what happened before we met. It won’t make him deal with his issues, or undo the unhealthy relationships I’ve witnessed in the past. Real people have problems, real relationships are difficult, and risky. “They lived happily ever after” is a big fat myth. What they should say at the end of the story is, “They worked at their relationship and hoped it would last forever.”

So how do I undo the ideal I dreamed up while drifting through the halls of high school? How do I stop finding real life men so damned disappointing compared to the ones in my books? How do I stop longing for someone who doesn’t exist?

 

Picture by Jacob Culp