Cliches That Dating Apps Prove to be True

I have been single for four years.
I wasn’t purposely single but I wasn’t actively looking either. I thought that I’d meet someone organically in my everyday life, but it never happened. So a few months ago I decided to get intentional about this dating thing and enter the world of dating apps. I created accounts on Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and OkCupid.
I told myself I was going in without any expectations, but I was lying to myself. I’m a dreamy type, so I had daydreamed about going out on coffee dates, having great conversations, sending flirty texts, first kisses, the whole nine. I wasn’t expecting to meet the “One” or my “Forever Person” because I’m just a tad too cynical for that, but I had hopes of vibing with someone. I do realize that being a cynical dreamer is kind of a contradiction but hey I’m an onion, I have layers.
Anyways, my experience has been fascinating to say the least.

“Men are from Mars”
I could never claim to understand men that much before, but I can definitely say I understand them even less now. I realized that some men hit the like button just for kicks, they have no intention of actually getting to know you. I don’t understand this, and I’ve given up trying. Also, I have been in the middle of what I perceived as a flowing conversation and then out of nowhere a guy will stop responding. It was frustrating at first, but I now just put less stock in the likes I get.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
There really is, it’s a good thing and bad thing. If a guy rubs you the wrong way or God forbid asks for nudes there’s a ton of other guys to choose from. On the other hand the endless scrolling can be overwhelming, especially on apps like Bumble and OkCupid. I started logging on every few days just to keep myself sane.

“Watch out for the wolves in sheep’s clothing”
You would think in 2017 with MTV’s “Catfish” in it’s sixth season that “catfishing” would be a thing of the past. But it is not. I was texting back and forth with a guy for about a week, and something just felt off. He “spoke” like no dude I’d ever met before, it was very flowery, and romantic. And his vernacular did not match the person he claimed to be. I did a reverse image search on his profile photo just like they do on the show and very easily found his identity to be false. I was really annoyed but also proud of myself for not getting duped.

“Love is a battlefield”
The quest for love for me has been long and arduous. Even just getting to the point of meeting someone in person has taken more effort than I thought it would. I’ve given myself to the 22nd of November to get something going and if it doesn’t happen I’m getting off all my apps and will revisit this next year sometime. I haven’t given up hope completely but I can say that my hope has dwindled.

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I want to hear from you. What has been your experience with dating apps? Which ones do you love? Which ones do you hate? And is there hope in this crazy world to find real connections?

 

Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

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10 Thoughts A Perpetually Single Christian Girl Has

There are two types of girls in this world.

 

jointpost
*Tawni + Seretha*

There are two types of girls in this world. There’s the girl who is always in a relationship. There are very short time periods in between boyfriends and they seem to meet guys rather easily. Then there’s the girl who is always single. Years go by between relationships and she has a hard time meeting guys. It’s not that she isn’t looking it just isn’t happening.
So me and my dear friend and fellow blogger Seretha  have put together a little list of thoughts all the #supersingle girls out there have. Let the emotional healing begin…

  1. Why God why?!!
    Why me? How come the boys are just knocking others girls doors down without them even trying and I’m just over here in the desert? This is not what I planned. I didn’t make a vow to be single for years. So what’s up?

  2. Am I Ugly?
    Did my Mom and Dad lie when they told I was such a pretty girl? Have I been out here thinking I had it going on and really didn’t? I mean it’s either that or I am invisible to men.

  3. Do I not seem AVAILABLE?
    So many have heard the ‘well you look taken’ excuse that I have taken a magnifying glass to my forehead in hopes of finding whatever is giving off that vibe and scrub it off my body. How is this even possible?? And the men I asked have yet to give me a good answer.

  4. Boys Are Stupid.
    And Insensitive. And annoying. And only think about one thing. Do I sound like a 15 year old? Well that’s because boys may grow up to be men, but inside they’re still boys, especially when it comes to girls. They’re still out here treating us like crap under the guise it’s because they like us.

  5. There are no available men
    Are any guys going to be there?’ is a question I hear a lot with the women I hang out with! We start to weigh the time and preparation is takes to get ready for a night out with the probability of meeting someone interesting. But we can’t deal in absolutes in life–there are men out there…..somewhere….I guess

  6. He doesn’t exist.
    He just isn’t out there. So I can stop daydreaming about him because he isn’t coming. Romantic love is something that only some people get to experience and I am just not one of them.

  7. Desperation spiral
    I find that a lot of my singleness issues are actually in my head…besides not being asked out in forever. The occasional ‘woe is me’ breakdowns that occur usually look something like this.
    a.Self-doubt
    This is where you question everything. Most of the questions are in this post like ‘am I ugly?’ ‘am I supposed to get married?’ and more! I question my wardrobe, the way I talk, my (lack) of girly tendencies, my height, my weight, my body shape, my ability to hear from God, my friends, and anything else my neurotic mind can come up with.
    b.Re-evaluating standards
    Many women have a list (some longer than others) of things they are looking for in a husband. I believe all lists have to be refined by God so that our personal prejudices don’t block an amazing person God has for us–BUT a chronically single Christian woman man think about letting some of the essentials slide as well.
    c.Anger at God
    At this point I am actively airing my grievances to God. Not only asking why He made me this way but why this is so hard! The ugly crying and yelling happens here too. I’m just thankful that God takes my prayers in any way they are delivered.
    d.Reassurance from God
    I am not a disfigured beast of woman unworthy of love. Or at least that’s what God tells me on a very regular basis.
    e.Happy until you see someone else get into a relationship then…..
    I am being honest in that I can only see so many happy couples on my social medias before starting to get bitter. I limit my social media when I get into those kind of moods so that I’m not always somewhere in this circle but the struggle is real. 
  8. I could be single the rest of my life and be happy.
    I think. I’m sure they’re women out there who never had kids or got married who lived fulfilling lives. They can travel, go wherever whenever and not have to answer to anyone. I won’t lie and say that doesn’t sound appealing. It does, it’s the best part of being single. But what about those lonely nights?

  9. Bargaining with God
    This is when you pull out the list of things you have done to ‘earn’ the promotion to wife if not AT LEAST girlfriend! “God I not only read my Bible daily but I serve with the kids AND greet at the front door on Sunday. Why won’t you send me somebody?!?” It may sound funny but it’s actually very dangerous. We can’t as Christians use our works as a way to ‘make’ God give us something. We are living by grace and there’s no way to earn that gift. To try and puff ourselves up enough to fit a combination of acts and righteousness God has in order to be in a relationship ignores the reality of who God is! He craves to be the ultimate relationship and the #1 love in our lives. It’s only after we truly come to that realization that there is a possibility of anything else.

  10. Thinking of going back to your old ways
    This is where bargaining goes full temper tantrum and we threaten our Heavenly Parent saying that we will run away from home if we don’t get our way. I  can laugh because I have done this and God, in His infinite patience, let me get it all out and firmly reminded me that I was acting like a child.