I just can’t believe that life would give us to each other,’ he said, ‘and then take it back.’
‘I can,’ she said. ‘Life’s a bastard.
-Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and Park
Some love is temporary and if you didn’t know that, “life” will let you know soon enough. You think you’ve found something only to have it snatched from under you. You come crashing down to the floor your pride bruised and hope shattered. Love songs on the radio begin to take on new meaning, and you wonder why did you even take a chance? But then you get up dust yourself off and remember that very few things are what they seem and that you should have known better. Check off another life lesson on the list.
Personally after that first initial punch in the stomach “love” changed in my mind. The world just got uglier in general. I thought “God they’re some really sucky people on the planet. How could someone just use you like that and claim to love you?”
The rose-colored glasses were off and I was quite sure I would be single for a very long time to come. But that dirty stinking heart of mine started to feel again. Not only did it feel, it soared, higher than that first time. I coasted there for a while, letting myself forget all the reasons it would not work. Eventually reality came calling and took me down. The recovery was shorter this time, but painful all the same. Here I am several months later and I still fight off the occasional bout of longing for him.
Sometimes I wish I was this cold robot who had no need for romantic love, so I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this. The thought of getting to know someone again and being vulnerable with them is quite exhausting. But I’m not a robot, I’m a human being with a heart that has a lot to give.
At the beginning of this month I started a 30 day writing challenge. I was super excited about it, I’m going to write everyday for 30 days! It’s going to be so amazing! Well I got to a whopping day 6 before I fell behind. I realize now that there are two things you need for a writing challenge, time and discipline. Neither one of those things do I have in abundance. And so here I am nearly at the the end of June and I’ve only done 6 days. This is exactly why I was reluctant to start a writing challenge. But I thought for sure June would be wide open. What I didn’t account for was how tired I would be after work, and of course some unplanned plans sprung up. Well I have 2 choices, abandoned the challenge or continue. What to do, what to do? One side of my brain says you’ll never finish it anyway just abandon it. But the other side says you never finish anything! Finish it! Well while I wait for both sides of my brain to come to a decision I am not sure what the next post will be. Stay tuned….
I was hunting the web-o-sphere looking for 30 day writing challenges and came across 30 Days of music by tumblr blogger SadisticYellowBird.
30 Days of Music: A Writing Challenge
Rules: For each day, post a piece of writing (short story, poem, etc.) based on a song. In essence, write a story around the feelings/ memories the song evokes, based on the songs concept, or around a line of lyric (if applicable) that really resonates within. For every post, link a YouTube video of the song before the writing.
The list of music given spanned many genres and so it intrigued me. I love discovering new to me music and I had never blogged for 30 days in a row. So here we go, Day 1.
“It was lifelike. It was over me. It was so low. It was so heavy.”
You were an unexpected storm, forceful and destructive.
I had no time to prepare for the damage left behind.
Your clouds and your power although they were seductive,
had fear and misery made in their design.
You were gone as quickly as you arrived,
gone to another unsuspecting fool.
Despite it all the best parts of me survived.
your deception and lesson are now my fuel.